Any tips on grieving a totaled Solstice?

4059 Views 63 Replies 25 Participants Last post by Nelson Kung, 8 mo ago

Nelson Kung

Discussion Starter · 9 mo ago

My Solstice was t-boned by a driver who ran a red light and even though it happened about three weeks ago, it's still really difficult to come to terms with. Does anyone have advice or tips on emotionally dealing with this sort of thing?
I was really attached to my Solstice for a multitude of reasons. I spent almost a year looking for it. I got it it early 2019 and it had 39,000 miles, NA, manual, mean yellow, and was kept in pristine condition by an older gentleman. It's more common to see the GXPs in the mean yellow than the NA version so that in itself I really liked. It was my first roadster, first car I learned to drive manual on, first car I really cared about and would always park far away from people and constantly clean.

I miss driving it so much. It feels like a nightmare and I'm still partially in denial. I've been losing a lot of sleep, not being able to focus at work, feeling like a part of me died with the loss of my Solstice. It also had a lot of sentimental value because I took it on several long trips and just the 3 years of memories for it to all come to an end. I planned on keeping for the rest of life and thought I'd be driving it until nearly 200k miles and possibly more. I am slowly trying to accept this reality but it's still a tough pill to swallow. Now I'm frantically looking both ways in my rental through green lights and just any roads that intersect for drivers who run stop signs and red lights. I am thankful and grateful that the worse of the injuries I got were some really deep bruises with fluid build up but it's the emotional distress that's the toughest to get through.

I was really hoping it would be repairable but the repair quotes from my insurance estimated repairs to be nearly 10k so they deemed it a total loss. I visited it for the last time to get my belongings last week and it was really tough to say goodbye. I wanted to keep a body panel as something to remember it by but the IAA said they can't allow that so there's nothing they let me keep, not even the instruction manual. I miss it everyday and sometimes I just imagine still having it but then reality sets in. I try and cherish the great memories but just knowing it's gone, it's quite painful.

See less See more

Reactions: 1

1 - 20 of 64 Posts

ChopTop

· #2 · 9 mo ago

We all grieve differently for different reasons. Depending on the level of anxiety you are experiencing you may want to consider going to a couple therapy sessions in order to better understand and process your feelings. There is no shame in seeking therapy when you need additional support during difficult times in your life.

"The American Psychological Association suggests you consider a time to see a therapist when something causes distress and interferes with some part of life, particularly when: Thinking about or coping with the issue takes up at least an hour each day. The issue causes embarrassment or makes you want to avoid others.Jan 24, 2022"

Reactions: 5

Bob Wall

· #3 · 9 mo ago

It is too bad for the loss of your cherished car. The bright side, when you get to it, will be finding another that was cherished by someone, but due to age or circumstance must part with it. You can become the new owner of which you will grow to love and make your own. If there is nothing you can do to change the past, you must look to the future.

Reactions: 5

Nelson Kung

Discussion Starter · #4 · 9 mo ago

ChopTop said:
We all grieve differently for different reasons. Depending on the level of anxiety you are experiencing you may want to consider going to a couple therapy sessions in order to better understand and process your feelings. There is no shame in seeking therapy when you need additional support during difficult times in your life.

"The American Psychological Association suggests you consider a time to see a therapist when something causes distress and interferes with some part of life, particularly when: Thinking about or coping with the issue takes up at least an hour each day. The issue causes embarrassment or makes you want to avoid others.Jan 24, 2022"

I might seek therapy but I've had poor experiences in the past. I saw several therapists around April 2020 when covid starting shutting everything down and while I found it slightly helpful, I felt that it mostly involved coping mechanisms, learning to sit with your feelings, and observing thoughts rather than trying to internalize them, it was still a struggle even with seeing a therapist twice a week but I think I just need to keep searching for the right therapist.

Nelson Kung

Discussion Starter · #5 · 9 mo ago

Bob Wall said:
It is too bad for the loss of your cherished car. The bright side, when you get to it, will be finding another that was cherished by someone, but due to age or circumstance must part with it. You can become the new owner of which you will grow to love and make your own. If there is nothing you can do to change the past, you must look to the future.

Good point. I think I'm afraid of the thought of getting attached to another car. I almost just want to get a car I wouldn't care that gets dinged up or having to replace because the constant worry of something bad happening to a car that's cared for is at times very stressing. I really like that last sentence you mentioned, I've heard similar messages before but the way you worded it has an extra sense of optimism and strength so I really appreciate that, thank you.

Reactions: 1

Bob Wall

· #6 · 9 mo ago

Nelson Kung said:
Good point. I think I'm afraid of the thought of getting attached to another car. I almost just want to get a car I wouldn't care that gets dinged up or having to replace because the constant worry of something bad happening to a car that's cared for is at times very stressing. I really like that last sentence you mentioned, I've heard similar messages before but the way you worded it has an extra sense of optimism and strength so I really appreciate that, thank you.

My grandmother was a very wise and caring person, who had suffered much loss and hardship in her life. Even though, she always managed to focus on the positive aspects of any situation. That is where she would place her energy. Her thoughts about worry and stress was like a rocking chair, it gave you something to do, but you didnt get anywhere. She had a favorite song from 1929, (artist Annette Hanshaw) titled "if you want the rainbow, you must have the rain". I also love that song....one line from it is "happiness comes double, after a little pain". Look it up on YouTube if you are so inclined. It speaks to difficult times, as do many of the same artists tunes, written almost 100 years ago. I find music in general is a great healer.

Reactions: 4

RIPbrazengxp

· #7 · 9 mo ago

I feel your pain because I've been there. My original 2008 Brazen GXP (the namesake of my username) was totaled by another driver's gross carelessness. I'd had it three years and a few months - it was babied and cherished. To use your wording, it truly felt like a nightmare; I actually had recurring nightmares about it for the better part of eight years. And even though I moved on and bought another car, it never provided quite the same feeling as what my Solstice gave me. I did manage to snag a few keepsakes from mine when I went to bid it farewell: my rear windscreen, a set of keys, and my short radio antenna.

Long story short, I finally bought a practically identical GXP this summer and now all is well. The nightmares are gone.

If you have the means, get another whenever the time is right! Life is too short to drive boring cars.

Reactions: 5

sirwm

· #8 · 9 mo ago

Start your search for another car !

The thrill is in the hunt !

Reactions: 4

MFA

· #9 · 9 mo ago

Nelson Kung said:
[…]
Does anyone have advice or tips on emotionally dealing with this sort of thing?
[…]

1. Keep a souvenir, like a Pontiac badge from the vehicle itself as a totem.

2. Find, enlarge, and frame your favorite picture of your former Sol.

3. Call your insurance agent and consult a lawyer and make that bastid PAY for whut he done.

FOR ONCE I am not being a smart-ass, and you have my sympathies. Glad you were not seriously hurt.

Reactions: 4

marksbug

· #10 · 9 mo ago

you will always miss it. there will never be another like it.but thats ok. just search and find what you want., it wont be the same but it can still be fun and enjoyable. I had to sell my 06 due to no longer being able to drive a clutch car. I got a 07 gxp with auto trans, same cool silver color out side, but not what I want on the inside im not fond of all black,.ithe gxp is for sure faster, looks great, better tunes, better gas millage, runs great. it has almost 30000 miles on it, but it just aint the same. I still havent decided weather I will keep it or not.. I rarely drive it. just sites there inside with car cover. I havent even waxed it. hell I used to wax the other one 4 times a year at the least. Ive fixed broken stuff that it had ( vents, passenger cup holder ,drivers handle, intake breather tube,) added a short antenna, changed oil&filter, changed air filter. but still it just aint quite the same. but it's only been 3 months. I may sell it , I may keep it. I think if I was just upgrading it may be different instead of I have to replace due to my ankle. but in the end it's the same dam thing. I had a choice to keep my 06 and drive very little or get another with automatic and... I dont know the answer for you. Hell I dont know the answer for me. Possibly time will help, possibly stepping up to a gxp will help. ( they can put a smile on your face when needed.) but there will be no miracle cure. good luck with what ever you choose to doo or how you deal with your loss.

See less See more

Reactions: 4

4501 Safari

· #11 · 9 mo ago

Mark said it well and from the heart. You have understanding here with this group of folks who are enthusiasts and also caring human beings. You will know when it iis time to begin the search for that second, almost perfect car. Perhaps one that needs you...

Richard

Reactions: 3

Rams

· #12 · 9 mo ago

I guess we're all different, I have a hard time relating to such drama. This is all I'm gonna say.
A few years ago, I got run off the road (at 60+ mph) into a concrete construction barrier on my beloved Valkyrie motorcycle. This was a special motorcycle, they only made 200 of this specific model and color combo. It was a highly sought-after version of that motorcycle by the crowd I run with.

Regardless, the accident totaled the bike and almost killed me. I knew there was no chance of fixing it so, I did the next best thing. Before I was even out of the body cast, a friend and I traveled north several hundred miles and bought another rare one using the insurance payout. Doing that made missing the old one much less painful.

Now, there's three of them sitting in my garage. It's an addiction I tell ya, don't go there.

You have been warned.

Rams

Reactions: 4

Steveorama

· #13 · 9 mo ago

It has been 50 years this year that my Dad wrecked his '69 427 Corvette. He still carries a picture of it in his wallet.

Reactions: 4

Hurricane87

· #14 · 9 mo ago

RIPbrazengxp said:
I feel your pain because I've been there. My original 2008 Brazen GXP (the namesake of my username) was totaled by another driver's gross carelessness. I'd had it three years and a few months - it was babied and cherished. To use your wording, it truly felt like a nightmare; I actually had recurring nightmares about it for the better part of eight years. And even though I moved on and bought another car, it never provided quite the same feeling as what my Solstice gave me. I did manage to snag a few keepsakes from mine when I went to bid it farewell: my rear windscreen, a set of keys, and my short radio antenna.

Long story short, I finally bought a practically identical GXP this summer and now all is well. The nightmares are gone.

If you have the means, get another whenever the time is right! Life is too short to drive boring cars.

Agonizing over what might happen to a car, is in and of itself, a need for a therapist. To put it as briefly as possible, **** happens. I've totaled two cars because of low blood sugar. That won't happen any more because I have a Dexcom. What the Dexcom won't prevent is another idiotic driver intersecting with me. There are 250 million of them in this country. Defensive driving helps. It won't put shields around your car. Cars are fragile. Sometimes, they die. You can't prevent it.

Reactions: 2

Rams

· #15 · 9 mo ago

Hurricane87 said:
Defensive driving helps. It won't put shields around your car. Cars are fragile. Sometimes, they die. You can't prevent it.

Well said and I agree.

Rams

Nelson Kung

Discussion Starter · #16 · 9 mo ago

Bob Wall said:
My grandmother was a very wise and caring person, who had suffered much loss and hardship in her life. Even though, she always managed to focus on the positive aspects of any situation. That is where she would place her energy. Her thoughts about worry and stress was like a rocking chair, it gave you something to do, but you didnt get anywhere. She had a favorite song from 1929, (artist Annette Hanshaw) titled "if you want the rainbow, you must have the rain". I also love that song....one line from it is "happiness comes double, after a little pain". Look it up on YouTube if you are so inclined. It speaks to difficult times, as do many of the same artists tunes, written almost 100 years ago. I find music in general is a great healer.

It's very inspiring to hear about your Grandmother's wisdom and admirable how she focused on the positive aspects even through the suffering. And great point about the rocking chair, I'm going to keep that in mind. I looked up the, "if you want the rainbow, you must have the rain" song from Annette Hanshaw on Youtube and it's comforting, I like it and that part you mentioned about the double happiness, it's interesting to hear those two words together along with that last part about being a cheerful loser. It may be the first time I've heard those words together like that but it's really refreshing to hear. I almost got the sense that Annette was going through pain while singing from the sadness in her voice but she is keeping that positive outlook.

Bob Wall

· #17 · 9 mo ago

Happy you found some value in my words. Annette Hanshaw was as big as lady gaga is now during her era. The iconic cartoon character Betty Boop was fashioned after her. She has an interesting history and a unique style. I guess, nobody ever said life was always easy, but it beats the hell out of the alternative. Thinking positive thoughts and making the best of a bad situation, releases brain chemicals which then lead to a more positive outlook. It has to be a conscious effort to remind oneself of positivity......like exercise for your body.

Reactions: 2

Nelson Kung

Discussion Starter · #18 · 9 mo ago

RIPbrazengxp said:
I feel your pain because I've been there. My original 2008 Brazen GXP (the namesake of my username) was totaled by another driver's gross carelessness. I'd had it three years and a few months - it was babied and cherished. To use your wording, it truly felt like a nightmare; I actually had recurring nightmares about it for the better part of eight years. And even though I moved on and bought another car, it never provided quite the same feeling as what my Solstice gave me. I did manage to snag a few keepsakes from mine when I went to bid it farewell: my rear windscreen, a set of keys, and my short radio antenna.

Long story short, I finally bought a practically identical GXP this summer and now all is well. The nightmares are gone.

If you have the means, get another whenever the time is right! Life is too short to drive boring cars.

I'm really sorry to hear and that's brutal about the eight year long nightmares. That emotional turmoil and agony for that length of time, though I can't imagine how painful that must have been, had to be super tough to go through after your strong bond and close connection with your original 2008 Brazen GXP. Interesting to hear about the other car not quite being the same feeling as what your Solstice gave you since I have that same exact thought even though I haven't bought another car yet. The Solstice has that uniqueness to it for sure and with yours being the GXP, that must've had its own unique things. I'm happy to hear you got those keepsakes. I had planned on getting one of those clear rear windscreens that tape onto the back of the seat since I didn't want to have holes drilled into that silver trim piece.
That's awesome to hear you purchased a GXP that is practically identical. Great point with that last sentence, definitely agree and I may even try going with the GXP next time around. I had a thought the other day that, there are two solstices each year.

See less See more

Nelson Kung

Discussion Starter · #19 · 9 mo ago

sirwm said:
Start your search for another car !

The thrill is in the hunt !

I like that, though I haven't been having too much fun in the car search since I think I'm looking to get an cheap older SUV that I wouldn't have any attachment to but is still sort of reliable. I got hit by a sedan so it put size into perspective. I don't think I'd be emotionally ready for another Solstice or even another roadster, I think I'd think too much about my original Solstice.

Nelson Kung

Discussion Starter · #20 · 9 mo ago

MFA said:
1. Keep a souvenir, like a Pontiac badge from the vehicle itself as a totem.

2. Find, enlarge, and frame your favorite picture of your former Sol.

3. Call your insurance agent and consult a lawyer and make that bastid PAY for whut he done.

FOR ONCE I am not being a smart-ass, and you have my sympathies. Glad you were not seriously hurt.

1. I was thinking about taking the rear pontiac badge since it's small but the salvage place IAA it was at sadly said nothing could be removed from it.

2. Oh great idea! I'm going to try that. Maybe Staples can print it.

3. I called several law firms last week and even spoke to a legal line today, and sadly the emotional side of pain and suffering isn't something most personal injury lawyers will get involved with from what it seems since it's difficult to show proof of emotional distress. I like that funny wording though and I appreciate your sympathies. I wanna say that I do have the Solstice's rigidity to thank in a way since the sedan's front that ran the red looked way worse than that passenger fender/wheel of the Solstice.

1 - 20 of 64 Posts

This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.