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Discussion Starter #1
Under the white sun...
Wheel and shifter in my hands
Highway stretches forth.​

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The arc of a curve...
aroma of oil and tire
g-forces pull me.​

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The frogs are chirping,
clear crisp air above with stars
convertible night.​
 

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Don't quit the day job. :jester
 

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hehehe gotta love Haikus. :D

Been a while since I had to write one, not since highschool.
I'l see if I can come up with soem to add to this thread. :)
 

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I'm no good at Haiku. Here are the two wretched ones I could come up with so far...


out of work early

old man winter on the way

take the long way home

=======================

romantic dinner

trunk too small for doggie bag

I'll go get the truck
 

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Solstice makes me grin

just one minor thing lacking

supercharger whine
 

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2KWK4U said:
Solstice makes me grin

just one minor thing lacking

supercharger whine
Ah! A thing of beauty! Suitable for framing. Bravo! :seeya
 

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Discussion Starter #10
jimbo said:
...Ah, but then I visualize myself gently rocking my way down south on Highway 1 through the curve of Big Sur in my Gleaming Red Solstice, hugged by the soft leather seats, my right arm draped around Denise Richards's bikini-bared shoulder and all is right with the world!...
Jimbo, you didn't know it, but this is the makings of a haiku right here. It's all about distilling the experience and imagery (metaphors and similies [not smileys] are almost never used in haiku) to the bare essentials of experience. Capturing the warmth of a summer night, or the experience of what you described, then distilling it into the approximate 3-line form of 5-7-5 syllables each.

Clear droplets *ker-plink*
through leaks in my Solstice top.
Infuriation!!!​

though some of the purists might scoff at my "obvious" identification of the emotion, and chide me into trying to distill it to more experince rather than "label" it.

an improvement might be...


Clear droplets *ker-plink*
through leaks in my Solstice top.
Socks are soaked, AGAIN!​

...might be better - more explaining the infuriation through experience, allowing the reader to get it, rather than stating the obvious. It's all about translating and distilling experience through imagery to create emotion in the reader.

Then again... ya can't take everything in life seriously. Just saw your passage in the other thread and saw the imagery in it...
 

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A Pontiac car

Like nothing we have seen yet,

Makes me want it NOW!
 

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Damn you, s-man! I don't have time for this! :D

Lunch break almost done
my inbox overflowing
just one more on-ramp

Motionless I sit
dust obscuring flashing lights
leave and let me play

Building at my back
walking quicker and quicker
drop the top and grin

Scenery a blur
hair swept back by howling wind
blink, swallow, exhale

Two black stripes on grey
smell of rubber fills the air
nobody in sight

Back to studying
so that I can graduate
and buy my roadster
 
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